When I turned 30 a few years ago, I sat down again at my laptop to reflect on the most important life lessons I had learned. I was amazed at how much more surfaced since doing this exercise at age 27! These insights come from my own therapeutic journey, my experiences in relationships, and my Christian faith. I hope they can be helpful to you, no matter where you are in your journey!
It is possible to do purposeful work. But purpose will never be constrained to what you do.
Only when you are in right relationship with your work will you be able to pursue it freely and with deep enjoyment.
Just because you exist you have purpose. Think about it. (Note: this is a tough one.)
You have purpose because you have the capacity to manifest the love of God. Manifesting is not an ability that you can achieve; it is a gift you can receive.
The most important relationship you will ever have is with your self. (Note: this is related to having a relationship with God.)
You can know God to the extent that you know your self.
The more you are able to be present with yourself – showing your self compassion and care – the more you will be able to offer that same presence to others.
Only when you accept yourself – all parts of yourself – can you begin to transform.
God can help you love parts of your self that are difficult to love. All you have to do is ask.
“Selflessness” is not the same thing as self-negation. You must have a well-developed self in order to offer it freely to another.
You must create space to care for your self in order to care for others well. The latter is not possible without the former.
Having a well-developed self means trusting your perceptions.
Trusting your perceptions in any given situation is one of the most important things you can learn how to do. (Especially as a woman. We have a harder time because of how we are socialized.)
Your feelings are important. They give you information.
If you feel a particularly intense emotion, it signifies the need for action. Either take a step into the situation, or take a step back from it.
Accepting the reality of any situation is the best thing you can do for yourself. No matter how uncomfortable or painful something is, there will always be gifts. Look for them.
Pay attention to your body. Our bodies store memories, feelings, and experiences that have much to teach us about ourselves.
Your body is your friend, an agent of healing and grace – not something to fight against.
Your calling isn’t a fixed entity you need to work towards. You can be called to different things in different seasons. What freedom!
There are many voices influencing you – friends, parents, culture, media, God, yourself – like dials on a stereo. You can choose to turn the volume up or down on any of them. Choose wisely.
Vocation is less about making your life than about listening to your life. It’s more about receiving than doing.
Particulars are more powerful, and more important, than abstractions.
Things like “love” and “compassion” must always be considered in light of particular situations and relationships. Their meanings can vary accordingly.
Jesus lived a particular, incarnate life. He asks us to do the same.
Living an incarnate life means attending to what is actually around you, rather than escaping into what could be or should be.
Living in incarnate life means investing in the people who are actually around you. Those real, messy, imperfect people – they are it.
There is no such thing as the “autonomous individual.” We are all interdependent, whether we realize it or not.
Vulnerability is not the same thing as depending on other people. You can talk about your problems with another while still protecting yourself from true need of that person.
Admitting that you really need someone can be scary and difficult. But that is what makes true intimacy possible.
Take time to be silent before God. Revel in the Mystery. It’s the most productive thing you’ll ever do.